GLOG Class: Noise Wizard

I've gotten to play a few sessions with +Arnold K. from over at Goblin Punch recently and it has been great. My first character died so I am rolling up a new one, a Noise Wizard specifically. Arnold hadn't translated the class into his GLOG format yet, so I offered to do it for him! (Pretty much all of this post was written by Arnold, I just converted everything).

Noise Wizard

Restriction: Instrument Casting

Noise wizards can only cast spells if they have their instrument in hand and are making a lot of noise with it, and yes that means they can't really sneak effectively while casting. The instrument can be anything (1d6 instruments: 1) penny whistle 2) bongo drum 3) nyckelharpa 4) tambourine 5) hurdy gurdy 6) tuba), but once it is chosen you cannot cast spells with any other instrument.

Perks:

Countersong: A noise wizard can attempt to fight noise with louder noise. In order to do so they must ready an action to make a lot of noise to drown out the incoming noise (for example: command spells, harpy's songs, advice that you'll never make as a musician). This requires a strength check if you are playing a percussion instrument, a dexterity check if playing a stringed instrument, and a constitution check if playing a wind instrument (this tests if they bang loud enough/ strum fast enough/ blow hard enough). 

Subtle Ear: Noise wizards also have a really good sense of hearing (for now). They are twice as likely to succeed at listening at a door.

Spell List:

1. Sawtooth noise
2. Accompaniment
3. Stupid mouth
4. Song of death/Song of life
5. Gaping noise
6. Brown noise
7. Comprehend speech
8. God ear
9. Deafen
10. Song of captivation
11. Song of silence
12. Rapturous noise

Legendary Spells:

14. Face melting solo

15. The greatest and best song in the world

Mishaps:

1. Gain 1 trauma
2. Take 1d6 damage
3. Random mutation for 1d6 rounds, then make a save; permanent if you fail. 
4. For the rest of the day you cannot hear anything that could also hear you.
5. Deaf for 1d6 rounds
6. You loose control, the music takes over, for 1d6 rounds you just make a lot of noise and everyone in the area must make a wisdom check to concentrate on what they are doing, other wise they must clap their hands over their ears and do nothing for the duration.

Dooms:

Noise wizards' dooms are a mix between finally making it big on the Plane of Music and going deaf, just like Beethoven did.

1. You are invited to play a concert on the Plane of Music, a gate of sound opens and you are compelled to enter it and play, its your big chance! Your companions are stuck with your physical body which is feverishly playing your instrument until you return after 24 hours. Most noise wizards will have warned their companions of this eventuality. When you back to you are 0 HP from exhaustion and have a hat full of 3d6 silver. You can no longer hear laughter or screams.
2. The Celestial Conductor has come for you, they saw you on the Plane of Music and simply must have you. They want you to join the Obsequious Orchestra and play for the Authority until judgement day (or at least until he leaves his tea party). You have to fight them to remain on this plane, but if you win you can never hear the words of a pious man again nor the whisper of a lover, and when judgement comes you wont hear the bells tolling and you'll miss out on paradise.
3. You've gone completely deaf beyond magical means of healing. All of your spells now have 1-in-6 chance to fail, growing by 1 for each month of life after this. But you can still hear the music, it haunts you...

The best way to defeat your ultimate doom is to travel to Heaven and finish your fight with the Celestial Conductor and take their baton. Only this will return your hearing, and you'll have a baton with which to command the Obsequious Orchestra with.

Alternatively you go to Hell can find a Satan and challenge them to a music duel. Your instrument against their flaming fiddle. If you win the Satan will live in your head and hear for you, telling your brain everything they hear exactly as they hear it (probably).

Spell Descriptions:

Accompaniment:

R: 0
T: Self
D: [dice]*hour
There is an invisible orchestra following you everywhere you go.  They play constantly, loudly, and appropriately.  They play ominous music during ominous moments, sexy music during sex, etc.  Additionally, they will accompany you if you play your instrument, making your performance extra awesome and giving listeners a -1*[dice] penalty on any saving throws made to resist your magical music.

Brown Noise
R: 20'
T: All creatures
D: 0
All who hear this discordant arpeggio must save immediately or shit their pants.  This is accompanied by intestinal distress that prevents them from doing anything for the next [dice] turns except move.  Obviously, this only works on targets capable of shitting themselves.  Creatures who have heard the brown noise before get +4 on this save.

If at least 2 casting dice are invested this may optionally be projected as a 50' cone.

Comprehend speech

R: 0
T: Self
D: [dice]*hour
This allows you to comprehend any language you hear, and respond verbally.  No effect on written language.  This is not real understanding, just a temporary translator-thing.

Deafen

R: 50'
T: 1 creature
D: permanent or [dice]*hour
If the target fails a save, it goes deaf.  This is a curse, not a physical affect.  If this spell is reversed, it has three uses.  First, it can be used to cure magical (cursed) deafness.  Secondly, it can be used to temporarily grant hearing to things that cannot normally hear (such as golems), which incidentally makes them susceptible to sound-based magic for 1 hour.  Thirdly, if it is used on a creature than can already hear, noises will loom large and inescapable in their minds, making them better able to enjoy music, as well as giving them a -1*[dice] penalty to save against sound-based magic for the duration.  No matter how this spell is used, unwilling targets get a save.

Face melting solo

R: 20'
T: Everything
D: Concentration
Does [sum] fire damage and on each subsequent turn the damage increases by +1d6 and repeats (this stacks). If more than 4 dice are invested this can instead be cast as a 50' cone.

Gaping noise

R: 20'
T: Everything
D: 0
All containers and portals are opened, as long as those things aren't locked or tightly secured (tied shut with rope counts as tightly secured).  This has no effect on things such as belts, but it does affect pockets, luggage, zippers, doors, windows, and portcullises.  This spell cannot open minds.  If 2 casting dice are invested it also opens locks (including things like shackles), and if 3 dice are invested it triggers all traps in the area.

God ear

R: 0
T: Self
D: [dice]*minute

Your sense of hearing expands to godlike proportions.  You can hear muffins being digested in your belly.  You can hear moss growing on the other side of a stone wall.  It's all very disorienting, which is why you're helpless for the duration.

Beginning with near things and then moving outwards, your DM will describe [dice]*d6 interesting sounds, such as a goblin's dice clattering in the next room, followed by the a derro's mad muttering in the room beyond that.  The effect is barely comprehensible to mortal ears, however, and it is always possible that a sound might be missed in the tumult (and also because sometimes your DM will forget that there is a waterwheel in room 36, so be cool).

Rapturous noise

R: 20'
T: All creatures
D: 0

Everyone who fails a save is overcome by ecstasy for [sum] rounds.  While suffering from orgasmic pleasure, creatures cannot take any directly harmful actions, such as attacking with a weapon or casting a disabling spell, nor can they speak anything that isn't complimentary or pleasant.  Affected creatures could still pull a lever or run for help, though, since that is not directly harmful.  Creatures who have heard the Rapturous Noise before get +4 to their save.  If at least 3 dice are invested its effects can optionally be projected as a 50' cone.

Sawtooth Noise

R: 20'
T: All creatures
D: 0
Everyone takes [dice]*1d8 slashing damage, save for half.  Creatures who have heard the Sawtooth Noise before get +4 to their save.  If this spell has at least 2 casting dice invested in it it can optionally be projected as a 50' cone.

Song of captivation

R: 50'
T: [sum] targeted creatures
D: Concentration
Creatures that you select will turn their undivided attention to you for 1 round.  If they fail a save, their attention will remain on you for as long as you play, and will not take any actions except to listen quietly.  They get +4 to this save if there is combat or clear hostility in the situation.  This spell does not make them any less alert, it just makes them look in your direction and pay attention to you.  Regardless, the spell is broken as soon as something obviously suspicious or important happens. They will not move from their spots.  If you at least 2 casting dice targets will follow you for as long as you continue playing while remaining in their midst (no running off ahead--you must stay surrounded).

Song of death/Song of life

R: 50'
T: [sum] targeted creatures
D: Concentration
When cast as Song of Death creatures that you select take [dice] damage per turn, no save.  Undead creatures are instead healed by this song.

When cast as Song of Life creatures that you select heal [dice] damage per turn.  However this spell cannot heal pre-existing wounds, so if you were at half HP when the song started, you will not heal above that.  Additionally, anyone listening to this song is protected against death magic and level drain, and gets +2*[dice] to save against such things.  If this spell targets undead creatures, they instead take [dice] damage per turn, no save.  If at least 2 casting dice are invested targets get an additional+2*[dice] to save against death effects and level drain.

Song of silence

R: 10'*[dice]
T: Everything
D: Concentration
You play anti-music, generating anti-sound.  This cancels out all sounds within range.

Stupid mouth

R: 50'
T: 1 creature
D: 1 minute*[dice]
If the target fails a save, it will be unable to speak except in the worst way possible.  Every phrase will be misspoken, every intent subverted.  They will insult the most important person in the room in an offhand way, speak the most embarrassing secrets (others' and their own), and generally be a colossal ass.  They always have the option of shutting up, however, and most people will indeed shut up as soon as they realize something is wrong with their mouth.  Spellcasters suffering from this spell will have a 50% chance of failing their spellcasting (the action fails, but they don't lose the spell—it's not a fumble).

If tat least 2 casting dice are invested the target will have no choice but to babble nonstop for the spell's duration, and an affected spellcaster will fail all of their spells.

The greatest and best song in the world

R: 50'
T: 1 creature
D: Concentration
No save. The caster and the target are locked in a duel, every round dealing [dice]*1d12 to the target and half damage to the caster each round. This damage is double when targeting demons.

One time use. If the caster survives they can continue to cast the spell, but only ever with a maximum of 2 casting dice invested, now called "Tribute to the greatest and best song in the world" and they will talk about that one time they cast it and how cool it was and how it really didn't sound much like this but you get the idea.