Monday, May 28, 2018

Raccoons Might be Real Life Goblins

I've a growing suspicion.

It has to do with raccoons.

And our favorite green men, goblins.

Here me out here: Raccoons may be as close as we in the mundane world get to interacting with goblins.

Think of the attributes of a goblin: small, mischievous, stupid but devilishly clever, creepy hands, they are most active at night, their teeth are small but sharp, and while they are a nuisance alone they are a terror in large groups.

Now think of raccoons, everything in the above list can be applied to them.

So for your delight, photographic proof that raccoons and goblins might as well be the same:

A failed goblin ambush

Might as well be a raccoon


The situation would be the same if they were all raccoons
Source: Arthur Rackham (1867-1939), from “Goblin Market” by Christina Rossetti, George G. Harrap, 1933

They both seem fascinated with shiny things

And to finish it off, a gif of a raccoon climbing a crane (when I saw this i was genuinely surprised, it moves like a humanoid!):
Assassins Raccoon
I rest my case.


  1. So what I’m hearing is that my next campaign will feature technicolor raccoon goblin pirates as comic relief. Nice.

    I wanted to run an episodic city-state archipelago picaresque with an adventuring offseason, and then I stumbled upon your blog and Anemos. Funny how ideas can converge like that. The only real difference is that I’m going to use Moby Dick and a late medieval setting as a base, and that’s easy enough to convert (I’ll probably throw some Greek stuff in there, too, come to think of it).

    1. Hey Type1.

      It's not an archipelago, but you might be interested in the island adventure I wrote:

      It features goblins, a greek temple and man-eating tamarins.

      If you change the goblins for racoons, you could have a full-blown tamarin x racoon war.

    2. One of the reasons why I want to run an archipelago campaign is that I can use standalone dungeons and adventures, draw a coastline around them, and then drop them on the map as an island. Stuff like your adventure is exactly what I'm looking for. Thanks!

  2. Things are funny like that, huh?

    Well, I'd love to see what you cook up! You got a blog?

    1. I don't have one yet, but I do have a document with a list of potential posts--in addition to setting stuff, I could post a dozen GLOG classes/wizard schools, a dungeon or two, and a few "Roleplaying Theory" things. I might make a summer project out of it.

  3. This is awesome! I'll have to show this off -- the "goblins" in our setting are basically just lemurs.